The Psychology of Money- Relationships

By Lexington Wealth Management on April 23, 2019

For some, money can be an uncomfortable subject to talk about. In fact, many people avoid the discussion at all cost.  However, when you are in a relationship, it’s important to communicate your money concerns with your partner, otherwise, it can lead to stress and become the cause of many arguments. Even if the thought of it makes your blood pressure rise, it is a talk you need to be willing to have.

Money can put a huge strain on relationships, not only for those where money might be tight. Relationships where money is abundant poses problems as well.  There is a big misconception that money brings happiness, but this is not always true.  An individual who makes more money than their partner might feel that a budget should be followed or that they shouldn’t feel responsible to give their spouse money due to their higher salary.  “Why should I give them my hard earned money when they should just get a job or better job?”  At times the partner who is making less may feel tremendous guilt.  You can see how this mindset could lead to disagreements. 

Whether you are a spender, a saver, or you fall somewhere in between, you must first identify the root of your own behavior. By understanding your own actions and reactions you can be open to your partner’s spending habits and a solution for harmony. Spending behaviors are often learned behaviors passed down from families. Maybe your significant other or their parents grew up poor, and now that they have disposable income, they like to treat themselves. Or maybe they don’t like to spend their money at all for fear of not having enough at some point. Maybe money was openly discussed, or not talked about at all. Whatever the case may be, just be open minded and understanding.

The most important thing is to be open with your partner. As uncomfortable is it might be, you need to talk about money and try to have the discussion early so you are both on the same page, or at least working on getting there.  Many couples have separate bank accounts while others combine their money.  Talk about what works for you.  One idea is to set up a joint account for monthly bills that you both may contribute to, and a savings account for future unexpected items or to save for retirement.  This way, you still maintain your financial autonomy but you are both contributing to household expenses.  You should also set a spending limit that you can both agree on whether it’s for individual spending or discretionary items like date night or vacations.  

Bottom line is you have to communicate with your partner. Be sure to make your feelings known.  If you like to save your money and your partner likes to spend, arguments are inevitable.  Before an argument starts, be proactive and try to put yourself in the other’s position. By talking to each other openly, you have a better chance of working through your differences.  Share your concerns and frustrations, but most importantly make a budget and stick to it.  Advisors can be a neutral zone to have these discussions.  They can run some “what if” scenarios so you both feel heard. They can help you plan out a path that is comfortable for both parties and remain the objective voice when things become emotional.  If you don’t have an advisor that can do this with you, find one. It’s critical to your relationships and money health.